um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize