Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Houston, we have a blender
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
