What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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