you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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