Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
