i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you had me at cake vodka
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My penis needs a shock collar
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
