someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize