My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
40s are totally the cure
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
