There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
