Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
