I want to make a zoo with you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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