Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
