I am spending my child support on dildos
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
