The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
honey bunches of taint.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
