My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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