all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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