and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
