that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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