well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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