she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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