There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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