hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
