Jerry, you need to find god
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
