I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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