i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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