think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
