You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
