I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
