He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
