God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
