Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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