playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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