I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize