Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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