I want to walk on stilts...naked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
