She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
