I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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