Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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