Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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