Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
