I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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