Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
