Umm I'm too high to move.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
