If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
