dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
