How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thus making me awesome and them whores
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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