she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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