you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
