i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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