last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will pee on everything he values.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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