Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
