so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
