It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
