Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
