I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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