woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
