i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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