Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
