Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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