Will you blow on my dice?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
