Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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