hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
