Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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