i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
