Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
