dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
