My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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