Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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